So again I haven’t ran all week and I feel like shit.
Please excuse me if I’ve written about the disadvantages of not running before. I’ve been writing this fucking blog for nearly 2 years now and I’m closing in on 500 posts. If I’m repeating myself a little, it’s to be expected.
I can only talk about what is current in my life and at the moment I’m experiencing these negative feelings about not running at all this week.
If you’re unhappy with the lack of originality in my posts, send me proof that you’re over 25 and I’ll scan in you in a copy of my sorry Irish ass and mail it to your Mother.
How’s that for fucking bacon?
Anyway. Here are the shitty emotions, feelings and resentments of an angry jogger who hasn’t ran all week.
- Jealousy of other runners and their active lifestyles – Great Dave ran 153 miles in 14 hours and he felt good. I ran 0 miles in 72 hours and I feel like a lazy scumbag. I hate fuckers like Great Dave. Until I become Great Dave and actually run. Then others will rightfully hate me too.
- Guilt – Yes I’m meant to be running marathons for charity. Yes I opted instead to sit on my ass playing GTA5, eating Cheestrings instead of fighting the good fight. Yes this probably makes me a bad person. So what? I’m human. Suck on it.
- Restlessness – The additional energy that I could have used up with running is coursing through my veins and I can’t settle on a single thing I want to watch, eat or do tonight. So I’ll watch, eat and do EVERYTHING! And enjoy none of it.
- Hopelessness – Will I ever be able to break this cycle of eating like an idiot and then spending the next 3-4 days running almost non-stop? Will I ever have that breakthrough period while I’m like this? It’s depressing if I think too much about it.
- Reflecting too much on my life – I can’t coast off my running endorphins like a drugs-cripple so I have to actually focus on sorting my life out . Like any other good Patriotic drug addicts, exercise junkies rely on their precious fucking endorphin buzz to feel humane/alive. The feel-good chemicals trick them into concluding that they are somehow moving forward with their lives (when in reality they are probably just boring the fuck out of all their family/colleagues/friends about their running antics, whilst building up a nice toned ass).
If a runner offers you a start into the seedy world of endorphins, tell them to fuck off.
- Frustration at my lazy self for not running – Every time I miss a morning run I say something like this to myself “Bro, why the fuck didn’t you get up for the run? It’s not that hard is it?”. Yes it’s easy for me to say that in hindsight. But at 5am in Northern Ireland I don’t want to get out of fucking bed to run in the pissy cold weather. I want my cosy bed to continue to eat me.
- Increased aggression whilst commuting in the morning – When I’ve exercised I feel serene, tranquil and I can stare at other commuters’ heads without wanting to launch my breakfast into their hapless fucking faces. This morning I caught myself SNARLING at the ticket inspector for having the audacity to ask me to show my ticket. I’m not great in the morning at all if I haven’t had my running fix.
- Fear of future races – I might have only missed one or two runs but this won’t stop me panicing about the marathons in October/November. One shitty week can lead to a decrease in fitness that will have a knock-on effect onto the subsequent weeks.
- Sadness at a missed opportunity – I only ever feel sad like this if I’ve slept through a beautiful morning. With autumn deepening, I won’t get to see many more of them before 2013 is over. This makes me sad. And angry.