I haven’t ran in 4 days now and my bad start to the week has carried on through Wednesday and into Thursday and I’m struggling to halt my downward course.
I seem to eat when I’m stressed out and bored. Just knowing this stresses me out making me OM-NOM-NOM-NOM everything in my path. It’s a vicious cycle that I keep getting trapped in.
You’d think I’d have learned to escape it by now?
My running motivation has gone again.
I’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. I brace myself for the utter boredom of day-to-day life where survival and career progression are the only game in town and it seems less intolerable when I eat like shit and block it all out.
I’d rather allay my fears with a chocolate bar than actually think about shit. It’s easier.
Yet it doesn’t help at all. When I eat like shit I run less. When I run less I feel like shit and then I eat like shit and then I start acting like a shithead.
Why I haven’t been running this week.
Here are my excuses. If they sound like horse shit it’s because they are.
- My bed has been trying to eat me on a nightly basis – Never before have I slept this well. Normally I toss and turn relentlessly during the night. Now I’m out like a light when my head touches the pilly. Last week is taking it’s toll physically.
- I’m living in the shadow of an excellent week – I ran both fast and long, last week. Even a 40 mile week will pale in comparison to 63 miles and a sub 2 half marathon. That said, I know that marathon training is about consistency. I need to keep focused on Vegas and let that push me forward with my running. This rut will pass if I aim upwards and drive my way out.
- My eating has got a lot worse and I haven’t been tracking shit – Now that I’ve stopped tracking I feel like I’ve stopped moving forward with my fitness on a daily basis. It’s almost like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. What’s the point of doing any exercise when at best I’ll be back to where I was yesterday?
- I’ve been setting my alarm too early and falling back to sleep because of it – I’ve been setting it for 3:30am exactly, yet I wake earlier than that as I leave my TV on all night as it’s the only way I can sleep anymore. The ‘Most Haunted’ ghost programme keeps waking me up, namely the co-host Yvette Fielding and her demented moans whenever she thinks she spots a demon when it’s really a lightbulb. In case you haven’t seen the programme, it consists of a group of ghost hunters screaming at darkness like badgers drunk on fermenting fruit. Hearing Yvette moaning as I surface from blissful depths of Dreamville makes me recoil in panic and horror. I immediately think that I’ve left a porno on all night and that the neighbours have had enough and have called the cops.
“I assure you officer, I haven’t been wanking. I’m just watching Yvette moan like a whore at her own shadow as I can’t sleep!”
- I’ve kept telling myself that I deserve a rest, but I’ve gone too far – I guess I did deserve a rest after running 63 miles but in all honesty 4 days is too much. I could have easily woken this morning and thumped out a 10 miler without much trouble but I decided to put the covers back over my head.
- I keep telling myself that it’s been a bad week but this hasn’t been one…yet – Tomorrow is a pivotal day where I can rescue everything with a run and sensible eating before 6pm. That’s the beauty of this lifestyle, you can mess up and make up for previous mistakes with a few good days.
So tomorrow I’m waking up at 5am and I’m gonna rescue my fucking week and charge around this town whilst it’s still dark and record at least a 10 mile run.
If you too have had a bad week remember that it’s still not too late to rescue it for yourself. Don’t get to Monday and regret the week that’s passed.
Grab it by the balls and make it a good one whilst there’s still time!