It’s the small decisions now that will make all of the difference to how you feel on race day.
Last time around in my Belfast Marathon training I ruined my training by giving up too easily on healthy eating. I always assumed I’d be able to run all of my excess weight off anyway.
I labelled overeating as ‘carb-loading’ and started seeing it as a ritual almost.
But the truth is I never lost the pounds I gained in the lead-up to the next marathon. I’m not running to maintain my weight. I need to stop sabotaging my own progress.
This pretty much summed up my attitude for the last 2 marathons.
I don’t want to feel shitty before a marathon again. The taper is enough of an emotional maelstrom without worrying about if my body is ready.
Over the past two years I’ve felt constrained by a healthy diet. It ‘s as if I can’t be myself without eating a cosmic fuckton of Pot Noodles and cheese. I’m then caught in a cycle of eating food for the sake of it and it’s tremendously difficult habit to break.
True freedom comes with the ability to say no, not from giving into indulgence and being a slave to chocolate.
If you’re a slave to a feeling or a sensation, then you couldn’t be any less free.
Deflated About Being Back To A Normal Lifestyle..
I’m enjoying healthy food now after the gorge-fest that was December. I can only consume so much chocolate and Southern Comfort before I go fishing for sprouts and grapes.
But I still don’t feel like myself. My sleeping is shit and I find nights difficult to deal with. During the day I can draw from my anger as fuel. By night-time that energy disintegrates into boredom, dismay and/or regret.
I get the impression that the same anger that fuels my running has a negative aspect to it that only comes out at night.
In the past I’ve used food as an escape from the discomfort but it’s a placebo effect and I ultimately feel worse for it in the morning.
Blocking It Out Isn’t The Way To Deal With It…
Food, booze, religion and drugs are all stop gaps to fill the large void most of us feel inside. The problem is that you become dependant on them and they bite back and swallow what’s left of you.
In an ideal world I’d be free of all of those influences. But that’s obviously not the case at the minute.
I won’t defeat it either by wishing I was different. I’ve got to start to be different by accepting where I am and moving forward.
Working On It Little By Little.
I keep myself sedated with reality TV and then just wait for morning to arrive and for a new day to begin.
But night time is hard and it’s been my great undoing in the past 2 years. I’ve ate so much unnecessary shit at night that it’s stopped me ever acquiring a healthy weight.
I need to make the correct decisions more often.