If you run and work a full time job during the day then you’ll know how fucking difficult it is to motivate yourself into running in your precious free time.

Here are 10 ideas to help inspire you into running more around your job!

1. Only run or commute to work if you have a shower available in the office – Otherwise you will make your colleagues lives hell and you will be rightly be dismissed for smelling like a funky badger (especially if your groin smells like a stale bag of Corn Flakes after 5 miles).
2. For morning runs wake up half an hour earlier than you plan to start your run – You will need time to wake up properly and to prepare for your exercise. If you wake up and have no time to brace yourself for the run, then you’ll find it easier to put the duvet back over your head.
3. Don’t limit your exercise to just a single time of the work day – In order to give yourself more opportunities to run, you need to identify times where you’re free in your schedule. This might be before work, after work, during lunch or commuting to/from work. It’s easy to fall into the trap of only running in the morning or evening. It’s important to give yourself as many opportunities to run as possible. Some times are better for certain types of running too. I find that the lunch hour is a great time for a short speed run, whereas after work runs are great for distance as a stress reliever. That leads nicely onto the next point.
4. Stressful days in work can be the perfect fodder for evening runs – Instead of opening up a bottle of wine to ease your frustration, put on your running shoes and go outside and pound the pavement.
5. Plan out your work day runs by focusing on what you’ll be able to do on the weekend and working back from there – If you’re aiming for a set weekly mileage, count how much you can realistically run on your day’s off and work back from there. For instance at the moment I’m aiming for 40 miles per week. I can run 20 miles over 2 runs on Saturday & Sunday. This leaves 2 runs of 10 or 3 runs of 7 over the remainder of the week. If I go for the first option I can reward myself with an additional rest day and not wake up for work until around 8am.
6. Don’t force yourself  into running in the morning if you’re exhausted – There’s nothing worse than going into work having had little to no sleep. If you haven’t had any rest and it’s now time for your scheduled run, turn it off and go back to sleep and resolve to run after work or tomorrow. Insomnia and fatigue coupled together will make your work day a living hell.
7. Commute to or from work by running – This is ideal if your office is around the same distance away as your average run distance. Unfortunately I am close to 13 miles from my place of work. Running that distance first thing in the morning would leave me as a zombie. As an alternative I will run to my train after work once a week. It’s only a few miles but it counts.
8. Pack a running bag and bring it with you to work – You never know when the inspiration will hit to run. There have been too many occasions where I’ve suddenly fancied a jog but had no suitable gear with me to go out on one. Now I just leave my kit under my desk until I use it.
9. Go easy on the morning run – In the past 6 months I’ve learned a valuable lesson about pre-work morning runs. Don’t run yourself into the ground otherwise the rest of your day won’t be pretty. The worst time for me is the shower directly after a tough morning run. I leave myself 10 minutes for my shower usually and if I’ve ran quite a distance I’ll end up scrubbing my fucking skin off which will make putting my clothes on agony. I always end up late for work if I put too much into the jog. That’s why I go easier now.
10. Only eat when you’re hungry before/after your run – You don’t have to eat before your morning run, nor do you have to eat anything after an evening run. If I’m up at 5am for my morning run the last thing I want to worry about is getting my nutrition right. It’s just another meaningless thing that makes running more complicated than it needs to be. Eat before your pre-work run or after your post-work run if you’re hungry. There’s plenty of time during the rest of your working day for food.

Today I weighed myself for the first time in a while and I came in at 207.5lbs.

I’m really sick of being overweight as a runner. It seems like my progress is stagnating and it’s all down to me just eating whatever I want and not keeping track.

This is why I’m going back to logging my calories over on MyFitnessPal for the time being.

But first, here are the reasons why I’ve been unable to keep to any kind of calorie counting regime over the past 6 months.

1. I tend to get bored of reducing every single food item into calories – I start tasting food in terms of calories and it just ruins the experience. It’s shitty when you think ‘this food is actually costing me calories!’.
2. I let my food logging slip – I’ll start off by forgetting to add one item into my diary. Then I’ll become flippant about it, insisting that I’ll record everything at the end of the day. By then I’ll struggle to record what exactly I ate and in what order.
3. Imposing too much of a calorie restriction upon myself – If you’re desperate to lose weight then it’s only natural that you’ll try to minimise the time it gets to get down to your ‘ideal weight’. Unfortunately this also means that your daily calorie limit is much restrictive and therefore difficult to adhere too over a period of time.
4. Making poor ‘calorie’ budgeting decisions – The temptation can be to consume 2,500 kcal by dinner time and to then decide to skip on that meal in order to consume a larger lunch. When I do this, I’ll always become really hungry at about 8 or 9pm and go on a fucking binge and everything will be ruined.
5. Drinking too much alcohol – It’s fucking impossible at times to keep track of the amount of calories you consume if you’re overly fond of a night out on town. There’s close to 150 calories in a bottle of Budweiser. Multiple that by 10 and you’re talking about most of your daily limit.
6. Can’t eat in restaurants or delis without feeling guilty – No-one really knows how many calories are in your delicious burger. You Google “how many calories are there in a burger” and the answer is anywhere between 500 to 5,000. It becomes much harder to take calorie counting seriously when you’re making ball-park estimates.
7. Eating into next days calorie allowance – This motherfucker always gets me. If I’ve exceeded my calorie allowance for the day, I’ll begin to eat into tomorrow’s count, leaving me with barely enough to get through the next day. Before I know it I will be back off the wagon again.
8. The upcoming party with friends, relatives or work colleagues – If you’re anything like me, you’ll try to create a vision of the future where you’re consistently adhering to your new diet. Then out of nowhere your Uncle Raymond will announce that he’s having a anniversary party to celebrate acquiring his first ever vibrator you’ll think “fuck the diet, I’ll start back again next week. It’s party time Ray!”.
9. Peer pressure –  You might want try to avoid the bar or the cinema or the shopping mall to stop excess calorie consumption, but this can lead to you becoming isolated. At times like this it can be easy to sway to peer pressure and to just go out for that one drink which turns into 5 drinks and a huge pizza.
10. Not knowing how many calories you really burn on the run – Obviously there are heart rate monitors out there that do an excellent job at estimating how many calories you burn per mile, but you can never be certain that the read-out is 100% correct.

Ultimately I think the key to success with calorie counting is being realistic with your goals.

My short term weight loss goal.

That’s why I’m aiming to intake 3,000 calories a day over the next week for a 2lb weight loss by next Monday.

The breakdown is simple. I need 2,600 calories per day to maintain my weight. I walk 5 miles a day to commute to work which takes my break-even total up to around 3,000 calories per day.

Last week I burned 7,100 calories with 48.1 miles of running. If I repeat this from now until Sunday, then I’ll hit my target easily.

I’ve complained for quite some time about how I’m seemingly unable to record runs long enough to leave me confident on marathon day.

Well I’m done with whining (about my poor long runs anyway)

I’m gonna enter the Titanic Quarter 50k this week. I have 11 days to prepare for it.

My longest run in the past few months has been 18 miles and I’m by no means confident that I’ll be able to run this without dying.

Fuck it though. I’m doing it. Even if it means having to bludgeon mutant death seals to death with my own Presbyterian club chin along the Ards Peninsula.

Without ambition my only direction is down.

I’m tired by my own lack of ambition.

I’ve set my own limits and I live within the parameters of being a slightly overweight runner who can manage between 13-15 miles before dying in the long run.

You live by your standards and strive to achieve what you think is possible.

A few years ago, ‘possible’ involved walking all the way to the Chinese Restaurant 300m down the road without sweating.

In recent months the best ‘possible’ outcome for me as a marathon runner would be to get to 20 miles and walk-run-walk-run until the finish.

Is that really the best I can hope for?

Driving on forward.

The best way to prepare for the Dublin and Las Vegas marathons is to go out there in 11 days time and knock out a 50k. I may well have to walk a lot of it, but I’ll get around and it won’t be a rape like experience.

I’ll defeat it.

The alternative is to stick to the original plan which was to run the 25k and use it as a ‘stepping stone’ onto better runs.

This is a cop out. Running for longer won’t get any easier unless I grab myself by the balls and learn to fuel properly mid-run. It’s not out of reach. I’ve been doing myself a disservice by staying within my comfort zone for too long.

This is the first time in a while that I’ve been truly fearing a challenge. When I was training for my first marathon I remember staring at the ever increasing distances of the long runs on my plan and thinking ‘shit, how am I meant to do this? 8 miles! I can barely run 3! Fuck!’.

Well now I’m thinking, ‘shit, how can I run 31 miles?’

I’ve wanted for a long time to become an ultrarunner but I always assumed it’d be some time in the future. That day been coming for a long time but I’ve never put a definite date on it.

That’s why I’m becoming an ultrarunner in 11 days.  I may fuck it up and look like a complete idiot, but that’s half the fun of running isn’t it? You’ve gotta be brave sometimes.

There’s a fine line between being brave and being a fucking idiot.

Weight loss progress

I’m down to 201.2lbs now. I’ve 6 days to lose 1.25lbs.

I’m gonna fucking do it now so that I’m in the best condition I’ve ever been for this 50k race.

I’ll do as best as I can from here until the end and that’s all that I ask from myself.

Not coming down from this high until I’m punched down from it.

Yesterday for one reason or another I found it extremely difficult to motivate myself to run. I was depressed and I didn’t know why (I had a bit of a hangover but it wasn’t anything apocalyptic).

I was delighted with it as at one point I was just gonna count Sunday as a rest day.

Here are some tips on how to motivate yourself into a running if you’re down in the dumps.

1. Running is an excellent way to curb your appetite if you’re a depressive binge eater – Everyone is different but I find that immediately after a run I am not hungry whatsoever. When I’m depressed I tend to comfort eat quite a bit so running can act as a distraction and a deterrent.
2. Running versus the alternative of giving into something more self destructive – Back when I was a student I’d deal with depression by drinking through it, oblivious to the reality that I was only making things worse for myself. I drank to feel liberation from my reality. Now I run for the same effect. Sometimes I do still get the urge to drink for destructive purposes but now that I have running as an outlet it is the best option. I will continue to choose this whilst I have the strength to run.
3. Running always seems difficult when you’re feeling down (but it really isn’t) – And this mightn’t be the case in reality. Running never changes but our attitude towards it is always in flux. Sometimes it seems easy, other times it can seem almost impossible. The act of putting one foot in front of the other never changes. Getting out the front door or onto the treadmill is always the hardest step and it gets easier from there.
4. Never underestimate the power of a short nap to change your mood for the better – If a run seems impossible now because of you’re mood, try to go to sleep for 15 minutes. I did exactly this before yesterday’s 11 miler and my mind was rejuvenated afterwards and I went straight out there.
5. Don’t underestimate the power of music to rejuvenate you – I can be feeling like shit one moment and then with a click in Spotify I can be up and charged against the World again. I personally hate the cliched motivational music that are packaged on CD compilations and go straight for music I enjoy.
6. Go for the caffeine boost a few hours before a run to brighten your mood – This only works well if I have 2 or 3 cans of Red Bull. If I’m already depressed and have say 5-6 cans then my mood will only worsen and the anxiety will start. I will also need to shit like a trooper which is why I try to drink my caffeinated beverages at least 2 hours before my run. Otherwise I will need to shit all of the badness out of me when I’m out on the run.
7. Understanding your depressed mood and understanding yourself – Yesterday I was down and I didn’t know why. Sometimes a cloud descends and I’m numb to myself and the world. If I start running then my mood will begin to clear and if I’m lucky I’ll understand why I was feeling that way. Either way, I learn more about why I get depressed when I run and find ways to fight those moods.
8. Avoid the dreaded hangover altogether if you wanna run – If you’re gonna drink alcohol the night before a run, stick to your known limits. On Saturday night I had a little too much wine and it dampened my spirits (no pun intended.) the next morning. For me I can drink 14 units of alcohol without feeling a hangover (which is about 8 Whiskeys). Any more than that and I won’t really want to run the next day.
9. Be flexible with your run plans if you’re feeling down – Don’t impose your usual standards upon yourself if you aren’t OK. Sometimes it pays to run purely for the mental rather than the physical benefits it offers. Putting too much pressure on yourself to perform will kill your fun.
10. Running as a way to formulate a path towards a better life – Running can help you escape a place and a situation where you feel trapped and unhappy. You might think that this is just a temporary measure, but it leaves you with the ability to find a way through your problems and ultimately a way out of your situation.

So again I haven’t ran all week and I feel like shit.

Please excuse me if I’ve written about the disadvantages of not running before. I’ve been writing this fucking blog for nearly 2 years now and I’m closing in on 500 posts. If I’m repeating myself a little, it’s to be expected.

I can only talk about what is current in my life and at the moment I’m experiencing these negative feelings about not running at all this week.

If you’re unhappy with the lack of originality in my posts, send me proof that you’re over 25 and I’ll scan in you in a copy of my sorry Irish ass and mail it to your Mother.

How’s that for fucking bacon?

Anyway. Here are the shitty emotions, feelings and resentments of an angry jogger who hasn’t ran all week.

1. Jealousy of other runners and their active lifestyles – Great Dave ran 153 miles in 14 hours and he felt good. I ran 0 miles in 72 hours and I feel like a lazy scumbag. I hate fuckers like Great Dave. Until I become Great Dave and actually run. Then others will rightfully hate me too.
2. Guilt – Yes I’m meant to be running marathons for charity.  Yes I opted instead to sit on my ass playing GTA5, eating Cheestrings instead of fighting the good fight. Yes this probably makes me a bad person. So what? I’m human. Suck on it.
3. Restlessness – The additional energy that I could have used up with running is coursing through my veins and I can’t settle on a single thing I want to watch, eat or do tonight. So I’ll watch, eat and do EVERYTHING! And enjoy none of it.
4. Hopelessness –  Will I ever be able to break this cycle of eating like an idiot and then spending the next 3-4 days running almost non-stop? Will I ever have that breakthrough period while I’m like this? It’s depressing if I think too much about it.
5. Reflecting too much on my life – I can’t coast off my running endorphins like a drugs-cripple so I have to actually focus on sorting my life out . Like any other good Patriotic drug addicts, exercise junkies rely on their precious fucking endorphin buzz to feel humane/alive. The feel-good chemicals trick them into concluding that they are somehow moving forward with their lives (when in reality they are probably just boring the fuck out of all their family/colleagues/friends about their running antics, whilst building up a nice toned ass).

   If a runner offers you a start into the seedy world of endorphins, tell them to fuck off.

6. Frustration at my lazy self for not running –  Every time I miss a morning run I say something like this to myself “Bro, why the fuck didn’t you get up for the run? It’s not that hard is it?”. Yes it’s easy for me to say that in hindsight. But at 5am in Northern Ireland I don’t want to get out of fucking bed to run in the pissy cold weather. I want my cosy bed to continue to eat me.
7. Increased aggression whilst commuting in the morning – When I’ve exercised I feel serene, tranquil and I can stare at other commuters’ heads without wanting to launch my breakfast into their hapless fucking faces. This morning I caught myself SNARLING at the ticket inspector for having the audacity to ask me to show my ticket. I’m not great in the morning at all if I haven’t had my running fix.
8. Fear of future races – I might have only missed one or two runs but this won’t stop me panicing about the marathons in October/November. One shitty week can lead to a decrease in fitness that will have a knock-on effect onto the subsequent weeks.
9. Sadness at a missed opportunity – I only ever feel sad like this if I’ve slept through a beautiful morning. With autumn deepening, I won’t get to see many more of them before 2013 is over. This makes me sad. And angry.

It’s easy to understate the sadness you can feel whilst training for your first marathon, especially if you’re running on your own.

I remember lots of people were donating to my charity fund and yet I was thinking to myself “how the fuck can you possibly call yourself a marathon runner when you had to stop for breath on your list 14 mile run? You’re a loser”

Those negative thoughts can easily form into a loop that will send you into despair if you let it continue. Here are some ways to stop yourself from feeling that hopeless.

How not to fall into the way of despair whilst training for your first race.

1. Stop over thinking the scale of the task – If you only started running a few months ago then the chances are that you’ll be worried about how you can possibly continue running for upwards of 4 to 5 hours particularly if you struggle to run for an hour as it stands. You’re covering a long distance in 26.2 miles, but it is not undoable if you stick to a training schedule.
2. Don’t worry if you miss a few long runs – Sometimes life just happens. In my first marathon training schedule I missed a 16 mile run and thought it was the end of the world. When you haven’t completed a long distance race before you can start to assume that your training will capitulate if you miss any long runs. It’s perfectly reasonable to miss one or 2 of your workouts – just try not to turn it into a habit.
3. Concentrate first and foremost on time spent on feet in your training runs if you’re worried about not finishing – It’s so easy to get lost in all of the finer details of marathon training such as your pace, heart rate, weekly miles and other statistics that you lose perspective on what you’re trying to accomplish. For example when training for Belfast I did not allow myself to complete a single training run in a pace slower than 10:18 min/mile as I was aiming for a sub 4 hours 30 minutes race.  My problem was I couldn’t run maintain that pace for any longer than 13.1 miles without my body breaking down. This made my last few 16 and 18+ milers extremely difficult. Eventually I made the decision to drop my pace to a 11 minute mile so that I could complete the distance. I could have improved the efficiency of my training by dropping my long run pace to a 11 minute mile from week one, covered the distances I needed to and worked upwards from there.
4. Expect to reach a point in your marathon training where you’ll lose all interest in running – If you’ve committed to your first ever 18 week marathon training schedule, then at some point you’ll question whether all of the time you’ve dedicated to your training is worthwhile. You won’t want to run. You will want to eat junk food. Relax, this is perfectly normal and you’re not having a crisis! Just keep going and trust that it will pass given time.
5. Quitting is OK contrary to what the experts say – I don’t know how many fucking times I quit training when I first started. I’d have one bad run and think “This is fucking hopeless! I’m not a runner! That’s it! I quit!”. The important thing was that I restarted again the next morning with a “I’ll give this one more shot!” attitude. It’s that attitude that will see you through your last 10k of the race. So if you’re gonna quit, just make sure that you’re prepared to restart again very soon.
6. Don’t leave all of your training to the last minute – The best way to fall into the way of hopelessness is to leave everything until the last few weeks. Stick to your training schedule and chip away at the problem as you go along.  The chances are that if you don’t feel like running now, then you won’t to do it either in 4 weeks time before race day. Consider your training a nest egg that you invest into. You will reap all of the rewards of that nest egg once you cross that finish line!
7. Comparing yourself to other runners will increase your levels of distress – I remember Googling and being distraught at the thought of finishing in a slower time than Oprah Winfrey. This was a huge fucking hang-up for me! Whilst comparing your times to other runners can be helpful in providing you with motivation, you have to run your own race ultimately.

How did you cope with falling into hopelessness when you were running your own first race?

I was still on a high this morning after my first ever sub 2 hour half marathon, yesterday afternoon. I’d drank a little much whiskey to celebrate and awoke at 5am with a mild hangover which disappeared after I fell back to sleep.

I started the day off properly with a trip to the shop where I bought a can of Cherry Coke, a packet of Cheestrings, Blackcurrant Chewits and a tube of Strawberry Millions for breakfast.

A meal fit for a King!

Should I run or not?

I dunno about you, but I struggle to decide whether I should run or not after a ‘hard’ session. It’s difficult to balance  the risk to reward ratio. Would I really benefit from another run today or would it be best to just recover?

For the first few hours today I was gonna go down the recovery route as the weather wasn’t great outside.

Then the sun came out for a while and I thought ‘fuck it’.

Running into the hills.

I ran up into the East Antrim hills again to try to kill any remnants of the hangover and to just have some time to myself. I didn’t concentrate on pace but I was aware that if I ran around the full route I’d record another half marathon.

After about 90 minutes of running in the wilderness I came across a sheep that had escaped from it’s field.

I spotted it before it spotted me and when it did realize I was behind it, it bolted on down the road at about twice the speed I was running. This game of cat and mouse (or man vs sheep) went on for about half a fucking mile.

It was fucking annoying as I was worried that it was gonna turn around at any moment, attack and then smother me.

This is no way for a man to die (especially since I’m from Northern Ireland and the coroner would have automatically assumed that I was trying to fuck it.)

Suicidal Mr Fox

Thankfully the sheep saw sense and found a field to rest in. It was at least half a mile away from where it started, but it meant I could rest my mind a little.

Or so I thought.

I was only a mile on down the road and came across a fox that was running away from me again. A Jeep came up the road towards me, making the fox freak out and run straight into the vehicle’s path.

I dunno how it managed to avoid the Jeep, but for a moment I thought I was certain I was gonna have to help mop up fox carcass.

It clambered up onto the verge and escaped into a field.

The lucky bastard.

This is why I don’t like running in the country.

As much as I might complain about small dogs and idiotic pedestrians, there’s never really any death in the town.

There’s always something fucking dying in the country, be it badgers, farmer’s wives or squirrels.

It’s fucking terrifying and off-putting.

I run to get away from my problems, not to witness the circle of fucking life churning on before my very eyes.

Another day and another half marathon.

Despite having to stop to take a stone out of my shoe, I managed to carry on and record another half marathon. This is my 3rd one in 5 days and I ran it 30 seconds more quickly than Lisburn.

I’m really delighted with this as I wasn’t trying for speed (if I had, I’d have risked injury and that’s obviously the last thing I want).

In total I ran 48 miles this week, which is the most I’ve managed in about 6 months. I finally feel like I’m making some sort of progress with running and there are 2 factors involved here.

1. More hill running – These country hill runs are increasing the strength in my legs. I now feel comfortable running at a 9:20 minute/mile pace, whereas before 9:40 minute/mile was my default pace. Hills definitely make running on flat much easier.
2. Longer ‘short’ runs – My shortest run this week was 8 miles. I’ve been trying to narrow the difference between my long and short runs for the past few months and 10 mile short runs have become standard for me. I’m now confident at going past 10 miles.

Anyway I think I’m gonna run the Ards Half Marathon on Friday and rest until Wednesday. Friday may well be the day that I finally crack 2 hours in a race!

My 2 runs at the weekend left me a little worried about my pace.

In the week leading up to my shin splints, I had been making great progress with both my speed and distance and when injury struck I was forced into resting for 5 days it all seemed to fall apart.

Fortunately I proved that my training sub 2-hour half marathon wasn’t a one-off,

Positive thinking on the run.

I didn’t go out with speed work in mind. If I told myself from the start that I had to sustain a 9 minute mile pace for an entire run, I’d cave under the pressure.

I kept all inner chat positive by striving to be well under a 10 minute mile average. This might seem totally unambitious, but it’s merely a ploy to con my mind into a positive state.

What I’ve noticed is that I am more likely to do speed bursts when I’m happy and confident on the run. If my body is sluggish to start, then my mind will react with negative thoughts and I’ll react by tensing up.

Under promise, over deliver.

So by keeping my target pace low, I exceed my expectations and believe that I’m succeeding.

My mind and body react to the positivity and I begin to run much better than normal.

This feeds back into my mind and I then throw even more speed bursts into the mix and it feels amazing.

My new target – run 10 miles as close to 90 minutes as often as possible.

My next half marathon in Dublin in August will be a sub 2 hour run for me. To train for it I’m gonna keep running 10 miles but come as close to 90 minutes as I can on each workout.

If I can run the first 10 miles in 90 minutes, that leaves me with a 30 minute 5k for a sub 2 hour half marathon.

Even if I manage the distance in 92 or 93 minutes, I will still have the opportunity to hit my target. A sub 28 minute 5k isn’t out of my reach at all.

My plan is to not only run a sub 2 hour half marathon, but to smash it so that I never have to worry about this goal ever again.

Onwards and upwards.

It will be 15th time lucky In August for me.

I have the sub 2 within my grasp, I just need to keep moving forward and sprinting whilst I’m positive!

This time I won’t be silly enough to create a crazy forfeit for myself if I don’t achieve my goal.

Either way no one would have gained anything from this threat. 

I ran again today, this time covering 11.35 miles in 112 minutes. It was a good run up until I made a fool of myself just short of a mile from home. I was already annoyed as I had another stone in my shoe and decided to wait until I was home to remove it.

Runner’s Tourette’s?

I think I might have Tourette’s syndrome but only when I run. I don’t want to belittle what is a harrowing neurological condition, but today’s episode proves that I’m not well.

I was running in the dark and talking to myself out loud as usual.

When I run I sometimes suffer from cringing mental episodes where I think back to something that’s happened in the past and I blast out words as a way to quiet my mind.

At the minute I like to shout “FLAPS!”, “FREE CRACK!” or my new all time favourite “BUY ONE GET ONE FREE, YOU CUNT!”

Running through difficult mental episodes.

I typically only talk to myself if I’m experiencing problems on the run. Normally it will be “you can do this!” or “only 5 minutes more until this is all over” amongst other things just to try to encourage myself along.

I think a certain amount of self-talk on the run is healthy, but today’s utterance was overheard by a third party.

You see I didn’t notice that I wasn’t alone on this particular stretch of road. It was getting dark and I could barely see 10 foot in front of me.

So when I half-shouted “you can do this, you great big hairy twat!!” in the presence of a man out walking his dog, it caused a shit load of embarrassment.

I couldn’t pretend that I was on the phone. I couldn’t pretend that I was singing.

I just bowed my head in shame and ran onwards as if it didn’t happen.

I couldn’t be bothered explaining to him that my words weren’t targeted in his general direction.

Fortunately he didn’t say anything, but he did hesitate as if he was gonna bring the issue up.

Talk about lucky.

It all leaves some unanswered questions.

Who was the great big hairy twat? Why did he need encouragement?

Most importantly for the man, who was this foul mouthed man in the Newcastle United top and the crew cut that was barking encouragement at foot soldiers who only existed in his mind?

I’ve had many near-misses like this before, but this is the first time that I’ve been certain that another human being has heard my talking to myself when running.

So what’s the answer to all of this?

Do I have to stop talking to myself on the run?

No.

I just have to be more careful. I’m used to running at 5am in the morning when there’s no-one else around.

I could effectively run around in circles for an hour shouting “CUNT!” 150 times a minute and not offend another soul.

Now that I’m running in the evenings, I have to watch my step.

I have to be considerate to other human beings.

The last thing I want do is shout “BUY ONE GET ONE FREE YOU CUNT!” just as I pass an old lady.

That could have more dire consequences.

Since it’s a bank holiday here I’ve been drinking a bit more than usual over the weekend.

This couldn’t have explained the level of fear I awoke with this morning though.

Sunday morning booze terror?

I’ve realised for a few years that rather than being a relaxant, alcohol only seems to intensify anxiety in the long run.

This morning I woke at 3am with a real sense of dread. I’ve experienced this before to a lesser degree, but this time it was intensified by the sweltering heat and the insomnia that was tied to it.

I watched the minutes pass on my clock ever so slowly but the fear made time stall.

Either my basal ganglia was shot and fucked by the half bottle of Whiskey on the previous evening, or by my insistence on playing ‘Private Idaho’ by the B-52s on repeat for about 7 hours.

It was fucking horrible just waiting there with nothing to do but hoping it would pass and I could just relax a little.

Thankfully the sun came up around 4am and the dread disappeared with the darkness.

Sleep disturbed!

I had a nightmare in which Kate Pierson died and was replaced on keyboards by an ostrich that Schneider had trained to screech and press the right keys on the organ in the right order.

I was quite upset at the time, but now that I’ve had time to think on it more bands should try replacing integral members with birds.

Brandon Flowers could be replaced cheaply and effectively with a Congolese Peacock and no-one would bat a fucking eyelid.

Only a dream…..

I woke at 10am feeling like shit.

Whenever I’ve had a hard night I seem to run so much better in the next morning. Everything seems more real, vital and it’s as if I think that my next run could be my last run.

I also try to tire myself out on the next run so that I don’t wake up at 2am with the dread again.

If I put 110% into the run, then I’ll be able to have some rest and not have to worry about living out the weird shit in my head as reality.

I wish I could run 25 miles on a whim, tire myself out and not have to contend with any of the bullshit.

A 13.2 mile run today with 270m of elevation gain.

So I went out with ‘Private Idaho’ ringing in my head and managed to successfully run the course I’d planned on running this time last week.

I attribute the following advice from the Full Potential Twitter account for my success.

I didn’t bother checking my pace at any point in the run, I was more interested in staying in control of my breathing and drinking from my bottle regularly.

I started panicing a little on the hill for a short period as I was worried I was losing control. So I slowed right down and focused 100% of my concentration on my breathing.

It turned out to be one of my best and most enjoyable runs this year and my mindset is so much better compared to this morning.

Now if only I could stop listening to the B-52’s….